Pan the Panda Predicts End of the World
Pan the panophobic panda, the founder of the religion know as Confusionism (unrelated to Confucianism), has announced that the world will end this year, some time in August. It should be noted that Pan is always predicting the end of the world, and has evidently been incorrect with his previous claims.
The magical beings of Dracōville do not appear to be worried. Several Dracōville covens have reported the inaccuracy of Pan's claims, citing the fact that they have not arranged the end of the world and would know if anyone else did. The dragons are not concerned, claiming they know everything that has ever occurred, as well as all that ever will occur. The Magellanic Turtles simply say that they are the gods who created the world, and will destroy it whenever they feel like it.
Pan is probably wrong, but the world must end some time, and now is as good a time as any. Worried Dracōville citizens are recommended to go to the Temple of Vulcan for a sacrifice, being careful not to be sacrificed themselves.